I need to be more discreet!!!

I'm looking for a friend

But I need to be discreet. 

For if I get caught, 

I surely will be beat. 

My name i can't reveal, 

So I call myself Chip. 

With a body of steal,

Can't destroy this spaceship. 

I've been looking for Gus, 

A friend I once lost. 

But its been so long, 

Who knows what's been tossed. 

I can't seem to find him, 

I know he was bus napped. 

I brought him some oil, 

'Cause I'm sure he's all chapped. 

So I take people to and from earth. 

A place I know very well. 

But traveling to mercury yesterday, 

Was like walking through hell. 

I sweat like a whore in church, 

It was the hottest I've been. 

I got real grossed out when my back

Melted and was shaped into a fin.

I asked around when I landed 

While I was filling up on potion, 

Ever since we went Black Magic

There's no gas to be in motion. 

We aren't green, but no pollution, 

So I guess we can settle. 

They got rid of popcorn,  

Even Cheddar, Chocolate, and Kettle

I asked the man who was filling me up

If he had heard of my friend Gus.

"Who hasn't heard about that crazy Brazilian,

I heard they tore up that bus. 

They took him apart, 

Put him back together, 

Now he's Gus the Bus, 

In extremely tight leather.

Why did you know him, 

Were you guys friends?"

"No, I just heard 'bout. 

Let me know how it ends."

I didn't feel right, 

Something was wrong. 

So I waited 'til I took off

'Til I could inhale my bong.

I'm glad that scientists 

Were able to prove, 

That hitting a bong 

Puts you in a better mood.

So now that it's legal,

And no one thinks it's lame.

I will search until I find

The bus with a name.

A pleasant surprise!

As I lay in bed trying to sleep
I can't help but think of my friend.
I will continue until I have come to the
Happy or bittersweet end.
I've lost so much,                  
Gained a lot from this never ending search.
I feel so exhausted and physically drained,
I feel like a whore in church.
I can feel I'm close to an answer
May be at my fingertips.

I have been called loyal for my efforts,
They praise me like I'm winning poker chips.
But really I haven't gained much more,
Than a splitting headache that won't fade.
It's not dicovering there's gold under your house,
More like getting hit by a rock of jade.
(got a very important phone call)
.....
He's alive, he's alive, he's really alive,
He just told me on the phone.
But I didn't understand why he was speaking
In such a soft tone.
He gave me a riddle like he always does
It went a little like so....

I'm in a place being ridden where people
Don't grocery shop they grow.
The people have many different personalities,
Yet it seem as though everyone gets along.
Kids hang out in the park and drink beer,
And bring out blankets and their bong.
It's crazy how when we were young
We couldn't even have a little on us,
Now I have friends inviting me over
"Let's spark one real quick Gus!"
I'm at a place where a revolution began
Although some say it was a movement.
Don't be fooled, though things have changed.
One thing remains the same, expensive rent.
But my place is worth every penny and I
Can't wait 'til your here and not in Rockridge.
Look for the winding street, and Dolores park,
This time don't hit the bridge!

He then hung up and left me in aww,
He was in my favorite city in the galaxy.
He was in a place, full of great memories.
A place that truly makes me happy.
He was at a place that forever I will call home,
And I'm so excited to go.
I'm packing my best windchill armor,
I'm headed to SAN FRANCISCO!

Press ENTER to look up in Wiktionary or CTRL+ENTER to look up in Wikipedia

Happy Friendship to Us...

There's something missing. 
Something's not right. 
I feel my brain and heart's
Tension, get close to a fight. 
I need to keep on going, 
Gustavo would do it for me. 
So much to still accomplish 
SO much to add to his legacy. 
The thought that you might be
Dead, makes my whole body cringe.
I'd rather have a lethal injection, 
As long as you bury me with the suringe. 
Today's just been rough, 
Because it's the day of our friendship's birth. 
You were always the best person to share a day with, 
For what it's worth. 
I wish that things could go back
To the way they once were,
When our hangouts were long, 
And more frequent they would occur. 
I hope you haven't lost hope, 
That I will find you one day. 
Because I dream about this every night, 
And the first words I will say. 
Although if you get the first chance to speak, 
Even after all these years. 
Your first words to me regardless of the time, 
"Yo Chip, let's get some beers!"


Miss you old friend. 
Chip 

The Best Man Speech

What was supposed to be the happiest day,
Turned into a memory that's not great.
A day I try not to remember,
But I have to relive it to find you its fate.
I wanted you to know,
That I had the best that I could prepare
The best man speech of the year I hope,
With you now where you are, I will share.

Here's a speech about a male, 

Who really taught me how to be one. 

A male who is now a married male, 

A male who will raise a great son. 

My friend Gus, Gusty, Gusters, 

Or the way I refer to him Gustavo.

Many different names with the same heart, 

An all right, down, good fellow. 

Now I know that speeches like this

Are one that no one wants to hear, 

But chill out and relax, 

Its only a couple minutes 'til you get your beer.

So I'm going to tell you a little bit, 

About the male who sits before thee, 

The male who I have to say

Who has done nothing but help me. 

Even the days when we were young

And he bullied me left and right, 

Little did I know that many years later, 

Me and this guy would be so tight. 

Now back in the day we weren't very nice

It was always him and a bunch of girls, 

I ate lunch alone as

He was always rocking each one of their worlds

I was the chubby kid that had no chance, 

No matter how hard I tried. 

But after rejection, that changed, when Gus

Saw how hard after I had cried. 

He was the one that I always looked up to, 

The guy who taught me a lot. 

The guy who no matter how many times I screwed up, 

He always gave me another shot. 

You helped me discover a person, 

With a personality, social skills, and talent; myself.

Because of it, now that frame of us, 

Sits at the top of my book shelf. 

Your words that you've spoken to me, 

Have basically paved my way. 

And turned me into

The crazy male I am today. 

But even with the craziness, 

I have learned so much from this guy. 

It's really no wonder, 

Why he was the apple of every teacher's eye. 

But things all changed one day when

Gus brought home a special gift.

A true sweetheart, with a big smile, 

Who brought everyone's energy level up a lift

Her connection to him happened so fast, 

I knew that it was serious. 

I think its all safe to say, 

When yal broke up we were furious. 

But it needed to happen I realized why, 

Because as machines we have to be certain. 

Before you walk down the isle of no return

Because your stuck with them, you don't want to be hurtin'

But that's what married life is,

A bunch of big and little decisions. 

Except now instead of one crazy mind, 

You go two outrageous opinions. 

But there's no doubt that these two boogers

Were definitely mean to be wed.

This damn poem poem has gone on long enough, 

You get it, he's great! Enough said.

So I raise a toast to the two of these bots, 

May the best years lie ahead of you

May you deal with the same pains in the metal, 

That you put both of your parents through. 

May you get small headaches when your kids ask

For candy's at the grocery store.

May you listen to me and don't have little ones

Till year number four. 

May you build a life full, 

Of love, peace, and trust. 

May you remember when how strong your love is, 

When your outsides start to rust. 

May you enjoy, life, and always remember, 

I'm just a phone call away. 

And I'll remember not to call u on brain slugs

When you have work the next day. 

I love you both forever and ever. 

Let me stop before I can't think.

Can someone get me and Gustavo, 

Two brain slugs, yes we'll take pink. 

I wish I could have said the speech,
Before they came and took you away.
It's getting late I'm off to bed,
You'll hear this is person, Some day.... I promise

Someone Famous or Someone New?

So I was sitting at NASA SF

Waiting for people to board me. 

I was shocked with what I saw

Knoxville stood close to thee.

Looked a bit older, 

A little bit gray. 

Steve-o was right behind him 

With plenty to say. 

The two of them were followed, 

By famous people galore. 

There stood the oldest 

Walking up on all four.

She wasn't a mammal, 

A bird or a fish. 

But she couldn't decide

For dinner, which dish. 

She claimed to help many 

She screamed on her shows. 

Sometimes fat sometimes skinny, 

You know how that goes. 

She stood hunched over with 

Two feet and a crutch

Wearing pearl earrings

Dressed like maid whose Dutch.  

They all boarded, 

And of course, first class. 

But stuff hit the fan, 

When Oprah's well know ass-

Tronomically large purse, 

knocked over Knoxville's drink. 

So Steve-O stood up, 

And peed on her coat made of mink. 

She hollered real loud, 

And everyone heard. 

She made a sound 

That would scare every bird. 

She got up and said "Stedman,

Get me a towel.

While I set these perves straight 

With some language too foul.

She insulted their mothers, 

She wanted their teachers fired. 

She couldn't understand why

Knoxville's pay was higher. 

She had broke her character, 

She was a down right B.

Little did she know, 

This would air on TV. 

Your on camera lady, 

Your secret is out.

Nobody's gonna like you, 

Becasue all you do is scream and shout. 

Your gonna be toast, 

Burnt to a crisp. 

You won't be able to help

The little boy with the lisp. 

Just so you can make him

Somehow, somewhat famous. 

Then you'll capitalize on his earnings, 

It would be heinous

But it stops now, 

It definitely stops here. 

Right after Steve-O and I

Go grab a beer." 

Oprah sat in defeat. 

She knew it was over. 

No more mansion, 

No show, No Chauffeur.

So Knoxville and Steve-O,

Went straight to the back.

And realized there was someone

Waiting for them in the sac. 

I cannot explain, 

The things that took place, 

Hopefully someone's dream came true

Hopefully not red in the face. 

The rest of the trip

Was as normal as corn. 

I still can't find Gus, 

Don't want to start to mourn.